An inquiry into my true nature: Self exploration

life force fuels

On my jaunt through life I have contemplated the truth of my nature. I have always felt most comfortable knowing that there is an ultimate source permeating us all, and at times I have felt a unity with this source. At other times I have felt completely alone. It was my yoga—vinyasa flow, ashtanga & meditation, in particular—that saved me from this quandary and answered many questions for me.

My search, through poetic expression, led me to this present moment as I move into my desires to use their creativity and life force to fuel me.

Taken as an excerpt from my poem yoga, what you do for me, I speak to you, yoga, inside me as you are me: You help me find my pure state of mind, you help me change energy into fuel, you help me find the deepest parts of myself without fear, you help me believe in magic and you taught me how I can do whatever I put my mind to.

In studying the histories of Sankhya-Yoga, Advaita Vedanta and Participatory Spirituality I have found inspirations from each to aid me on my path.

sankhya-yoga

Although Sankhya and Yoga are different systems, they work together and support each other so have been combined together as one unique system called Sankhya-Yoga. From Sankhya we learn that our person (purusha) effects our mind if our prakrti is out of balance, as we seek pure joy and balance (pure sattva). We balance by changing our activity, motion and irritation in the mind (rajas) as well as the inert dullness in the mind (tamas). We have yoga to help us meet this end.

Citta vrtti nirodha, the first of the Yoga Sutras by Patanjali, tells us that the mind is composed of thought modifications and activity. We seek complete cessation of this through yoga. The Yoga Sutras end with the definition of freedom. Immersed in kaivalya,the constant burning light of the soul, the yogi illuminates the divinity not only in himself but also in those who come in contact with him.

advaita vedanta

Advaita Vedanta is nondualism: we are all one. As an individual existing in this universe, there are many ways to feel this oneness, however. The ultimate reality takes so many words to describe by so many minds yet is indescribable. I live my own version of nondualism, going back and forth between transcendent spirituality of nonduality (in yoga samedi) and the immanent spirituality of duality with relationships and nature. I still take the teachings with me in my own way.

"To contact the truth of who we are, we must engage in some activity or practice that questions what we assume to be true about ourselves" (A.H. Almaas).

participatory spirituality

Although I feel these two traditions as an umbrella to my own, since my pilgrimage has been a personal inquiry and I only believe what resonates with my common sense, I continue to live by the intimacy I feel in my heart with another being. I believe in Participatory Spirituality and do not see spiritual independence as some kind of warrior-like strength acting above the reality of the dependence and interdependence of life that exists between two beings in love.

In this way I experience all of who I am, the feeling that is inside me moving through me yet feels greater than me, with my loved one by my side. There is much beauty to be felt in intimacy.

In this way I also bridge the community of yoga, as I prefer to practice in a group to take in all of the energy of the group.

Namaste.

[This article is continued here on participatory spirituality. ]


Inspired by paper I wrote for CIIS in August 2009 called "The Nature and Means of Liberation".

The photo is a painting by Kimberly Howland that I bought at the Mill Valley Art Festival and have hanging in my living room.

© 2010 Yoga Robin^®

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