Start here, self that hides: A vision into the yoga self

i write whatever you say to meMy yoga stirs up emotions in me and sometimes speaks as pasts and present all intermingle. As my body moves, and as I breathe, my stories are told. Here is a conversation with karmas that were burned one morning.

vision of yoga self

Dear self who hides,

I don’t want to leave you, or myself, behind. When your words are near (and I hear you speaking through me), I cannot help but smile inside. When I am my body, standing in front of myself, sometimes my heart shuts down. Why? I feel you more after I leave you, as if a piece of me is still with you. And so it is; you are me, left floating through the yoga studio room, melting onto the floor.

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As if hidden, you are this

(image: owningpink.com)

I am hidden. Are you? As if to be hidden behind words that speak illusively, at all times, bouncing off buildings and walls. I shoot an arrow and it comes back to me. Some day.

are you just words?

Who are you anyway? Are you the words or are they merely what comes out when trying to speak? There is no time to leave important words unsaid. I speak of eloquence.

Inspirational times with comic undertones spark a tune in another. Sometimes. But, truly, it’s all for you. You who deserve to be timeless and unforgotten. You are where my eyes open to receive what I’m waking up to now. I am here now because you were there and smiled and felt.

i will walk with you

Create. Create all you can be. Be creative. Be daring. Be you.

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Darkness found in your yoga practice

Are you scared to face something?

If you are scared to face something within yourself, you may sometimes feel that time is against you or that you cannot fulfill your wishes because of your fears.

The answers might be in your dark sides that you refuse to see. Yoga can have the potential to be the place to confront what's most deep inside you. This means that you have the power to confront your darkest side of you in your yoga practice.

A place for the bold... But ask yourself, "What am I scared of?"

We hide our darkest parts within our bodies

Deep within our bodies. The best parts stay locked up in our joints and tightest places: hips, necks, shoulders, backs, and even feet. When moving through yoga with deep breath, these gems—as secrets—can become free...

In a big way.

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Diving deep, where are you my fears?

go to the edge

I am now wondering where my fears are, going off the edge to find them in myself, in the depth of who I am. If I am bold enough and I don't turn back, I will be able to renew my patterns. This action will set me free.

In the dark shadows, I imagine I will sail through my depths as if a dream and find the silence I need and have searched for all my life. I know that the best stuff is at the very bottom.

gems and secrets are beacons

More conspicuous and offset against the darkness, the gems and secrets are easier to see and feel. Sometimes they shine with luminosity like a beacon, with my name on them!

The bottom must be a bed of soft sand which I can dig my bare feet into and feel rooted, maybe for the first time. The ground of my soul. To touch this part of me is to release all that I previously imagined was hidden.

Transforming itself, no longer in the dark, I will invite it to be a part of my waking life.

freedom lies in our minds and bodies

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Follow the mist

Keep your mind opened to possibilities

Ever-changing, I seem in this moment to be in the middle of a silent breath between states.

Just as there are many forms of life, I notice that it is common for people to tag a style of being in the world, which then closes them off to other inspirations that could come spontaneously, from afar or from within.

There is a misty quality to knowing I am on the right path, regardless of the unknown.

I follow the mist........

follow your own truth

There are uncountable ways to grow and evolve. Each has his or her own way, and to follow another's way is to not fully engaging with one's own inner guidance. I am influenced by many modes of thought but always, in the end, I follow my own visions. 

In fact, my yoga practice has taught me this as well.

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Discipline: A spiritual practice

disciplined mind

I just returned from a Bikram yoga class. What sticks with me is not the power of enduring the heat, but the power of discipline to control the mind.

Bikram yoga, unlike the Vinyasa Flow yoga which I have 13 more years of experience with, has many rules that are not necessarily inherent in many people. In my life and in my yoga practice I am used to living organically, letting my life take me in a flow. When I am practicing yoga alone, I have no plans in advance for my practice. I let my yoga practice take me.

Sure, there is discipline required with many styles of yoga, such as Ashtanga. But the movement inherent in this active style, where you generate your own heat, and move your own prana makes for a more organic practice inately.

Back to Bikram. What I feel in these classes is the necessity for discipline, as I'm led along a distinct path and how the discipline itself becomes the spiritual practice.

stay present

It is important to notice where the mind goes in any yoga practice, but in Bikram it is more about needing to stay with the group, listen to the teacher on cue, not close your eyes, drink water only when told, rest in savasana over and over, to name a few

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Staying present

dealing with chaos

Staying present helps. It does help me to stay peaceful when life on my path deals me too much chaos.

Sometimes it seems like some force is behind it all, dealing me one blow after another or all simultaneously to get the largest effect. It is in these moments when I know that I am being shown a serious sign to listen.

find the lessons

To know the lesson, I need to refocus because staying with each moment, breathing patience, is the only way to get through the most chaotic times.

In this way I dive into the chaos and embrace it. I do not freak out.  Instead I laugh in a way. I invite each moment, dealing with it as it comes. In doing so, eventually I realize a miracle has occurred! I come out of the experience at peace and with a secret message...

find your personal power

From here in this space, absent of worries, I have more personal power. If I erase others' doubts and erase the pressures of needing to be more than I am, I can see the truth clearly.

To reach a personal space where I see people I care about as a resonance of my perfect heart beating, I feel freed of any negativity that could go along with feeding into chaos.

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Hiking as a path to your self: Living yoga

Living yoga via hiking

Hiking on a sunny day... turning to sunset. It is my favorite time up on the mountain.

image @ Cora Varnes

I can watch the day sunlight culminate from warmth to secretive, from life-giving to artistic. With that change comes a change of heart too.

Hiking is a type of yoga for me, as I pay attention to my breath in the same way as I do on my mat. Living yoga outside of yoga class is the true test of a healthy yoga practice anyway. Hiking is part of having a well-rounded yoga life for me.

If I take an intention with me, it unravels with every step. I can even go through the various chakras as I climb, balanced together with music of the soul. What's most important in order for me to make my hike into a yoga adventure is silence—not necessarily inner silence but literal silence (i.e., no orating any words). This can be done with a partner as long as this is agreed.

Another important factor is breathing through my nose, using what we call in yoga the ujjayi breath. It is done throughout an Ashtanga practice. This breathing is done by making a sound in the back of the throat. Some people like to refer to Darth Vader from Star Wars when describing it.

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