Break down the ego

The psychological Ego needs to perform and be judged. The Mysore practice mirrors back everything that I don’t want to see and am uncomfortable with, so I will indeed feel negativity from onlookers, my teacher or myself when not performing optimally if I’m coming from the psychological ego; and from there, my body will clench up or I’ll get injured while high on performing rather than spirit.

Psychological ego creates injury

With continual practice, this ego melts. For example, when I’m physically challenged—up against a wall (an impasse)—day in and day out, my mind gets frustrated and wants so much to do it right. But at that point, the energy holding the body part needs to relax.

The only way for it to happen is to ignore the ego—for me, that means choosing apathy (surrender). This can sometimes break down decades of holding patterns in the shoulders, hips, spine and sacrum. I’m living proof that it’s possible.

Spiritual ego is reflection

The spiritual Ego (from Advaita Vedanta) carries the misinterpreted reflections of the mind when it is not clear and peaceful. Imagine 3 buckets of water: one muddy, one stirred up, one still and clear. The sun is shining in all 3 buckets equally. Reflection in the first is dim and dull, in the second is agitated, and in the third is peaceful. Sun = Self, water = mind, reflection = ego. My true self is a constant that is independent of how my mind is acting. If I reflect muddy water with my ego, I feel depression; if I reflect agitation, I feel I’m breaking apart; If I reflect stillness, I feel at peaceful oneness with my self.

Three basic parts of the spirituality are the tri-gunas (subtle components): Sattva, Raja and Tama. The answer to feeling the Sattva (purity of the mind) is to calm the Rajas (activity, motion, irritation in mind) and Tamas (inert dullness in the mind).

I have learned to welcome the sound of my breath to do its magic with the ego, especially to find the Sattvic state. In my practice, I am now able to witness the story change from loud to diminished, while dormant energies in my body rise and take its place—some dark, some light. I never know the level I will go to until I’m there. After that I find my spiritual power that hides (sometimes once I return home, sometimes days later). I’m there for a reason though because I know there is a piece inside me that needs to rise to the surface.